FSA and the Protective Power of ‘Righteous Rage’
This week’s Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA) Recovery Affirmation
About Today’s Affirmation on ‘Righteous Rage’
Yesterday, I was walking on the beach with one of my (very wise, gentle, and well-socialized / well-behaved) senior dogs, when suddenly a pack of three large off-leash dogs attacked her from behind. I was able to get her out of this horrifying situation without either of us being harmed; however, the owner of the dogs immediately blamed my dog for the attacks after I told them their dogs were obviously out of control, unresponsive to voice command, and therefore should not be off leash.
The sense of outrage I experienced when this young man began accusing my dog of having been the one to attack first (a blatant lie - we were strolling down the beach, minding our own business) was such a classic case of DARVO that it stunned even me. The sense of ‘righteous rage’ I experienced was profound.
Although this experience was incredibly upsetting (a Pitt Bull had nearly killed a Cocker Spaniel I once had, and all of that trauma came up while I was trying to save my dog yesterday from the same fate - or worse), I was reminded of how far I have come in regard to my own recovery from FSA: I did not freeze, fawn, fight, or flee from the situation. I stood my ground and used my voice (albeit loudly - a great deal of adrenaline was pumping through me) to call this young man out on his reversing the role of ‘victim and offender’.
I even somehow managed to ‘invite’ him to “have some humility” and “look at (his) part,” which silenced him for a moment, until he started accusing my dog of being the aggressor again. He did not leash up his huge, unruly dogs, however, and they continued to cause mayhem on the beach, running into the legs of elderly people, etc, while nobody protested or said a word, clearly afraid to confront this young man over his negligence and the flat-out dangerous behavior of his unsocialized, untrained dogs.
I felt grateful not to be in their shoes anymore, frozen in silence and incapable of protecting myself from the egregious behaviors of others. Today, I typically will speak up when experiencing DARVO or dealing with insensitive bullies, and damn the torpedoes. I also realize that sometimes protecting ourselves from abuse means maintaining a quiet dignity and silently limiting or ending contact with those who cannot treat us with kindness or at the very least, some basic respect.
(Note: In regard to my daily beach and forest walks, I carry bear spray and a whistle in case things turn ugly - a habit I got into when I riding my horse on mountain trails. I do recognize retaliation can be a real concern when asserting one’s boundaries with poorly socialized humans or wild animals.)
SCROLL DOWN TO READ TODAY’S AFFIRMATION
If you have struggled to access the healthy energy of ‘righteous rage’, I hope you find the below affirmation helpful.
Record yourself reading today’s affirmation! Research indicates that reading affirmations in your own voice can be more effective than listening to an affirmation being read by someone else. I therefore encourage you to find a private, quiet place and read the below affirmation out loud while playing the below audio clip featuring music by Liborio Conti, who generously provides his work royalty and copyright free. Record yourself reading the affirmation and play it back multiple times to allow it to further penetrate into your deep unconscious. (You can download a free MP3 App recorder from the Apple apps or Google Play store).
Acknowledging Righteous Rage
“As a target of Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA), being on the receiving end of blatant injustice can feel dehumanizing. As I move beyond conditioned trauma responses and become more aware of my true feelings, I may experience healthy anger or even ‘righteous rage’ in response to unjust situations. I acknowledge the heat in my chest, the steady thrum of power behind my eyes, and the clarity it brings.
For too long, I was told my anger was the problem—that my outrage at injustice was a sign of my own brokenness, a failing that required me to be “the bigger person,” to forgive, or to simply let it go. I reject that lie now. This anger is not destructive; it is a sacred boundary. It is the protective fire around my core self, a sign that I am fully awake and unwilling to accept the narrative of the abusers. I feel this righteous rage rise specifically against the blatant injustices I suffered, including the insidious manipulation of DARVO—Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender (J. Freyd). I was not the offender; I was the target of abuse, and my anger now serves as the internal witness that validates this truth.