Overcoming Social Isolation as an FSA Adult Survivor
A journey of recovering from the isolative effects of Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA)
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You can also watch Part One of my video on Social Isolation on YouTube - I don’t script my videos and you’ll hear some things not included in this article.
Introduction
Growing up in a family dynamic where one is unfairly targeted and blamed for the dysfunction within the household can have profound and lasting effects on an individual's mental and emotional well-being.
As validated by years of qualitative research I’ve conducted, adult survivors of Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA) often find themselves grappling with not only the aftermath of their traumatic upbringing but also the pervasive sense of social isolation that accompanies it.
This post explores how FSA survivors experience social isolation and suggests steps they can take to navigate this challenging aspect of their healing journey.
Effects of Social Isolation on FSA Survivors
The experience of being scapegoated within one’s family-of-origin can profoundly impact an individual's social relationships and sense of belonging.
Adult survivors of FSA may struggle with:
Trust Issues: Constantly being criticized and blamed by family members can erode trust in interpersonal relationships, making it difficult for survivors to form meaningful connections with others.
Low Self-Esteem: Scapegoating abuse often leads to feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt. Survivors may internalize the negative messages they received from their family and struggle to see their own value.
Fear of Rejection: The fear of being rejected or judged by others may prevent FSA survivors from reaching out for support or forming new relationships. This fear is often rooted in past experiences of betrayal and abandonment within the family.
Difficulty Expressing Emotions: Growing up in an environment where emotions are dismissed or invalidated can make it challenging for survivors to express themselves authentically. This can further exacerbate feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Hypervigilance: FSA survivors may develop hypervigilance as a coping mechanism to anticipate and avoid potential threats or rejection in social situations. This constant state of alertness can be exhausting and isolating.
Complex Trauma Symptoms: My original FSA research suggested that many survivors of FSA are suffering from complex trauma symptoms (as well as betrayal trauma symptoms), which can have a debilitating effect on their nervous system and contribute to feelings of depression and amplify anxiety and fear-based responses in social settings.
Breaking Free: A Case Study of Social Isolation and Recovery from Family Scapegoating Abuse
Background: Rachel, a 35-year-old woman, sought therapy with me after experiencing chronic feelings of loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem. Growing up in a large family with four siblings, Rachel often felt like the odd one out.
Her parents were emotionally distant and often favored her siblings over her. Rachel was constantly criticized, blamed, and made to feel responsible for the family's problems. Her achievements were downplayed, while her mistakes were magnified and used against her.
Early Signs of Social Isolation: During her childhood, Rachel struggled to make friends at school. She felt ashamed of her family dynamics and withdrew from social activities to avoid judgment from others. Her siblings often excluded her from family gatherings and outings, further deepening her sense of isolation. As she entered adulthood, Rachel's social circle remained limited, and she found it difficult to trust others or form meaningful connections.
Effects of Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA): The constant scapegoating and emotional abuse took a toll on Rachel's mental health. She developed persistent and chronic symptoms of anxiety and depression, which impacted her ability to function in daily life. Rachel's self-esteem plummeted, and she began to internalize the negative messages from her family, believing that she was unworthy of love and respect.
Social Isolation as a Coping Mechanism: To cope with the pain of rejection and betrayal from her family, Rachel withdrew further into herself. She avoided social interactions, fearing judgment and rejection from others. Rachel's isolation became a self-perpetuating cycle, as she struggled to trust others or believe that she deserved meaningful connections.
Recovery Journey: During her therapeutic work with me, Rachel began to unravel the deep-seated beliefs and patterns that were holding her back. She learned to challenge the negative messages from her family and cultivate self-compassion. Through group therapy and support networks, Rachel slowly started to rebuild her social connections and develop healthier relationships.
Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: As Rachel gained insight into her family dynamics, she realized that she was not to blame for the abuse she endured. She set boundaries with her family and prioritized her own well-being. Rachel also sought legal and emotional support to address the trauma of her past and hold her abusers accountable in regard to inherited items that were being wrongfully withheld from her by siblings after a parent’s death.
Transformation and Growth: Over time, Rachel's confidence grew, and she began to pursue her passions and interests. She enrolled in art classes, joined community groups, and volunteered for causes she cared about. Rachel's journey towards healing was not linear, but she learned to embrace the ups and downs as part of her growth process.
Conclusion: Rachel's case highlights the profound impact of family scapegoating abuse on an individual's mental health and social well-being. Through therapy and support, Rachel was able to break free from the cycle of abuse, reclaim her sense of self-worth, and cultivate meaningful connections with others. Her story serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the possibility of healing from even the most traumatic experiences.
Steps to Overcome Social Isolation
While the effects of FSA and social isolation can be pervasive, there are steps that survivors can take to reclaim their sense of belonging and connection:
Seek Professional Support: Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space for FSA survivors to process their experiences, heal from complex trauma symptoms, and develop coping strategies for managing social isolation. FSA survivors really do need to ‘interview’ any therapist they are considering working with to ensure that they understand dysfunctional and narcissistic family systems and the devastating effect of being in the ‘family scapegoat’ role. Seasoned therapists specializing in Internal Family Systems (IFS) who are trauma-informed may be particularly helpful in assisting FSA survivors in their healing process.
Build a Support Network: Connecting with other survivors of FSA or joining support groups can help combat feelings of isolation by providing validation, empathy, and understanding from individuals who have similar experiences. I reference a few such support groups in my resource list for FSA survivors.
Set Boundaries for Self-Care: Learning to set and enforce healthy boundaries with family members and others can help protect against further emotional harm and create space for meaningful connections with supportive individuals. Regarding boundaries, it is important that the FSA survivor know that establishing healthy boundaries can amp up family scapegoating abuse dynamics if they are still in contact - one of the reasons that they may eventually make the decision to end contact with one or more family members.
Practice Self-Compassion: Cultivating self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially in the face of past trauma and self-criticism. Engaging in self-care activities and practicing trauma-informed mindfulness meditation can foster a greater sense of self-worth and acceptance.
Explore New Interests and Hobbies: Engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment can help FSA survivors expand their social circle and connect with like-minded individuals who share their interests.
Spend Time With Animals and/or in Nature: Connecting with our cherished pets and animal friends or spending time in a park or forest or just sitting somewhere outside watching the antics of birds and squirrels can be very nurturing to one’s soul. It can also feel less threatening and ‘safer’ to those experiencing complex trauma or betrayal trauma symptoms, depending on where the FSA survivor is at in their healing and recovery process.
Practicing Trauma-Informed Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: FSA survivors may carry internalized beliefs about their worth and ‘acceptableness’ to others as a result of their traumatic upbringing. Cognitive-behavioral techniques that are trauma-informed can help challenge and reframe these negative beliefs, allowing survivors to cultivate a more positive and realistic self-image. Visit this page from PositivePsychology.com to learn more about trauma-focused CBT.
Social isolation is a common and distressing experience for adult survivors of Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA), but it is not insurmountable. By seeking support, setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and challenging negative beliefs, survivors can begin to heal from the effects of their traumatic upbringing and forge meaningful connections with others. Remember, healing is a journey, and it is never too late to reclaim your sense of belonging and connection.
A special note: Not all adult survivors feel distressed about the fact they prefer to spend time alone. As one of our subscribers here wrote to me recently in our Group Chat area, choosing to spend time alone “is a valid choice.” So we do also want to be careful not to pathologize those who prefer a more solitary existence by choice.