Reclaiming Your Worth: Dismantling the Scapegoat Lie (Worksheet)
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By Rebecca C. Mandeville, LMFT, CCTP
To learn more about free and paid subscriber benefits, visit https://familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/about
Introduction to Worksheet
As a survivor of Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA), you've endured a campaign of invalidation, rejection, and blame. For some of you, this began in early childhood. You were therefore conditioned from a young age to believe that your very essence was flawed; you were not deserving of love; and that you were the source of all the family's problems. This wasn't the truth. It was a lie fueled by systemic anxiety and dysfunction that was projected onto you.
This worksheet is designed to help you begin the process of dismantling that lie and reclaiming the self you were always meant to be, free of the damaging ‘scapegoat narrative’; the toxic ‘shame and blame’; and the pathological projections imposed upon you by your family-of-origin.
To complete this worksheet, you can write your answers in a journal or print the worksheet and answer in the spaces provided.
Free Self-Compassion Workbook
I’ve also included a link to a free online workbook, Building Self-Compassion, at the bottom of this post.
To print this worksheet, you’ll want to click on the title of this post if you are reading the email version so you can view and print it from my Substack site to preserve the formatting.
Disclaimer: This worksheet is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. If you are struggling with the effects of FSA, please seek support from a qualified therapist or counselor.
Part 1: Identifying Core Beliefs Fueled by Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA)
List the specific messages you received in your family-of-origin that contributed to the belief that you are defective, unworthy, unlovable, or not enough. Be as detailed as possible. Think about specific phrases, actions, and non-verbal cues.
Example: "You're always causing trouble."
Example: "Nobody will ever love you."
Example: "You're too sensitive."
Example: "You're never good enough."
Your List:
For each message, identify the underlying core belief it reinforces.
Example: "You're always causing trouble." reinforces the belief: "I am inherently disruptive and problematic."
Example: "Nobody will ever love you." reinforces the belief: "I am unlovable."
Your Core Beliefs:
Part 2: Challenging the Lies
Write down each core belief from Part 1.
Your Core Beliefs:
For each core belief, provide evidence that contradicts it. Think about:
Instances where you demonstrated positive qualities.
Relationships where you felt loved and accepted.
Achievements, no matter how seemingly “small”.
The inherent value of your existence as a human being.
The fact that family scapegoating is a form of systemic abuse, and not a reflection of you, who you are, or your character.
Example: "I am unlovable." Contradictory Evidence: "My friend genuinely enjoys my company. My pet shows me affection. I have helped people in the past, and they appreciated my efforts. I am a human being, and deserve love simply for existing."
Your Contradictory Evidence: