The Dangers of Confusing Fact with Fiction When Discussing Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA)
The Dangers of Confusing Fact with Fiction When Discussing Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA)
Why promoting false information about this poorly understood form of systemic pyscho-emotional abuse can be damaging to adult survivors of FSA
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When False Information Is Presented As Fact
In an era where misinformation can spread rapidly via social media and news outlets, the risks associated with confusing beliefs with facts and perceptions with truth become increasingly significant, particularly concerning sensitive issues like family scapegoating abuse (FSA).
FSA, a form of psycho-emotional abuse in which a child or adult child is unjustly blamed, marginalized, and ‘otherized’ by their family-of-origin, can be profoundly damaging.
It is typically fueled by unconscious pathological projection processes in highly traumatized families (or consciously by a narcissistic parent), and the resultant reality distortions supporting the false ‘scapegoat narrative’ can exacerbate the harms done to FSA child victims and adult survivors, preventing effective resolution and healing.
Given the above, it is somewhat ironic that survivors seeking information about family scapegoating and its effects may be negatively impacted by distorted and false narratives emanating from self-proclaimed ‘experts’, making recovery and healing from FSA that much more challenging.
Let me give you an example: The other day somebody asked me a question over on my YouTube Channel, Beyond Family Scapegoating Abuse. They wrote, “Is it true that the average life expectancy of a family scapegoat is 39 years old?”
Seems they got this information from someone who writes about family scapegoating who presents themselves as being an expert in understanding these types of family systems, and this bizarre piece of data was delivered as fact.
I wrote the questioner back to let them know that no, scapegoated adult survivors do not have an average life expectancy of 39. As survivors of childhood abuse, they may, however, suffer from chronic health issues and with an ACE score of 6 or more they may die 20 years earlier than they would have if they had not suffered from childhood abuse. We know this from research done on Adverse Childhood Experiences, which does not specifically address FSA but does include dynamics associated with FSA, as I discuss in my video here.
This bad piece of information was initially very upsetting to this subscriber, and I hope my fact-based answer helped to ease their mind somewhat. However, this is but one of many examples I could share in which blatantly false or distorted information about family scapegoating and its effects has been disseminated by a supposed expert on the subject - ‘experts’ who typically have no clinical training in Family Systems and have never worked with families that scapegoat in a therapeutic capacity.
The Potential Consequences of Blending Fact with Fiction
Family scapegoating abuse is a serious issue often clouded by personal beliefs and perceptions. It is a poorly understood, under-researched form of abuse that did not even have a proper name until I gave it one during the course of my original Family Systems research on this insidious systemic phenomenon. Here’s why promoting distorted or false information about the process of family scapegoating is problematic for both survivors and the clinicians that treat them:
1. Misdiagnosis and Misunderstanding: When facts are mixed with beliefs or made-up fiction, the nature of this type of family abuse may be misunderstood. For example, when one of these family scapegoat ‘experts’ say, “You’re family always knows they are abusing you” or “You’re family scapegoats you because they hate you,” they are denying the reality of unconscious individual and systemic pathological projection processes and the effects of intergenerational trauma on a given family - something that has been researched on and verified within the field of Psychology and the field of Family Systems for well over a half a century, as discussed in my research-based book, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed.
2. Reinforcement of Harmful Patterns: Beliefs that are not grounded in factual evidence can reinforce harmful patterns. For example, if a child or adult child erroneously believes that a family that scapegoats always knows what they are doing and always does it because they hate a particular child or adult child, the victim will erroneously believe that the scapegoating is always and only about them, versus it being driven by insidious and subtle systemic processes.
In such scenarios, adult survivors are deprived of critical information that would aid them in their understanding of FSA and how to recover from it, and they may be drawn further into the sort of ‘split’ thinking that is a hallmark of dysfunctional and narcissistic family systems. They will more than likely be drawn to ‘recovery’ material that perpetuates ‘splitting’ dynamics, whereby unconscious systemic processes are rarely discussed or are entirely ignored, and family members that engage in scapegoating behaviors are “all bad” while the target of FSA is “all good.” This type of ‘split’, non-integrative thinking can lead to a further framentation of self and increased symptoms of structural dissociation, which inhibits recovery from complex trauma associated with FSA.
3. Barriers to Seeking Help: Adult survivors might be discouraged from seeking help from a competent trauma-informed Mental Health professional when exposed to erroneous material regarding FSA and its effects, including material that devalues therapists and the help they can offer. While one must be informed and careful in selecting a therapist to work with, discouraging adult survivors of any form of childhood abuse from seeing a licensed Mental Health professional is a dangerous business to be engaged in, and certainly not ethical. For more information on how to search for a skilled therapist in the United States, look at Step number 4 on this Self-Care list I put together for FSA adult survivors.
The Perils of Confusing Perceptions with Truth
Perceptions are subjective interpretations of reality, often influenced by personal biases and emotions. In the context of FSA, confusing perceptions with truth can lead to significant misunderstandings:
1. Subjectivity and Bias: When perceptions and beliefs are promoted as truth, it can prevent a fair evaluation of the situation. ‘Experts’ who base their platforms strictly on personal experience are typically very attached to their perceptions. While valuable and at times helpful, perceptions are inherently subjective. Piggy-backing on the example above, some people do feel their family “hates” them (and they often have good reason to when in the ‘scapegoat’ role). But to extrapolate this and decree “If you’re the scapegoat in your family your family always hates you” is offering up a subjective belief, not an evidence-based fact.
2. Contracted Awareness Versus Expansive Awareness: If perceptions are mistaken for truth, an opportunity for greater awareness and understanding of FSA may be missed. For example, if a scapegoated person does not become aware of the fact that FSA is often fueled by systemic processes that are for the most part unconscious, their suffering may be prolonged and deepened due to believing that the abuse they are experiencing is always conscious and intentional, versus rooted in unconscious processes fueled by generations of trauma. When awareness is limited, one has fewer options and choices regarding how to think about their situation and how to address it, and their suffering may be prolonged as a result.
3. Misinformation and Stigma: Perceptions that are widely accepted but not based on truth can contribute to the stigmatization of both the FSA child victim or adult survivor and the concept of family scapegoating abuse itself. This stigma can create an environment where individuals are reluctant to discuss or seek help for abuse, perpetuating the cycle of silence, misplaced guilt, toxic shame, and harm.
Building on earlier examples: Scapegoated adult survivors are understandably very sensitive in regard to how others perceive them. If an FSA adult survivor believes an ‘expert’ who promotes simplistic, erroneous concepts like “You’re family scapegoats you because they hate you,” the survivor may become so paralyzed by fear, self-loathing, and toxic shame that they become unable to act on their own behalf to help themselves. How is this conducive to healing?
Alternatively, if the survivor learns that family scapegoating dynamics are typically systemic in nature and this has been verified by over 50 years of research within the field of Family Systems - and that in highly traumatized families it is typically an unconscious systemic process - they are far less likely to be consumed by toxic shame and may even become curious to learn more about FSA and seek help from appropriate, knowledgeable sources. They may also be exposed to more efficacious healing methods beyond ‘inner child’ work, which, while helpful at times, may not effectively address more complicated issues related to Complex Trauma and Structural Dissociation. Adult survivors may also feel more confident about making the decision to end contact with abusive family members when they have access to clinically sound material.
Navigating the Complexities of FSA
To address the dangers associated with confusing facts with beliefs and perceptions with truth, it is important to rely on both objective evidence as well as subjective experience when evaluating family scapegoating abuse and its effects.
The dangers of confusing facts with beliefs and perceptions with truth are particularly pronounced in the context of family scapegoating abuse due to a limited amount of research to draw upon. By distinguishing between objective evidence and subjective experiences, and by recognizing the difference between perceptions and factual truths, adult survivors can better ensure that those presenting themselves as ‘experts’ on the topic of family scapegoating are presenting information grounded in clinical realities and not just someone’s personal experience, thereby mitigating harm and supporting the healing process for all involved.
What to Watch Out for With Social Media ‘Experts’
Not all ‘influencers’ should be influencing people - especially potentially vulnerable populations like trauma and abuse survivors. Here’s what to look out for when trying to determine if someone discussing a given subject matter is legitimate:
THEY USE ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS
“Your family ALWAYS knows they’re scapegoating you”; “Your family HATES you - that’s why they scapegoat you” - As mentioned above, absolute statements like this that are not supported by any sort of evidence, research, or facts should be considered suspect.
THEY AREN’T ACTUALLY EXPERTS IN THE SUBJECT MATTER
Beware of ‘coaches’ (who often are not actually certified by any legitimate coaching entity) and self proclaimed ‘experts’ who base their platform on their personal experience, then try to legitimatize their offerings by adding facts and ideas ‘borrowed’ from actual experts without proper attribution or credit. Don’t be shy about asking for their credentials to see if they are someone whose advice you should be following.
THEY’RE SELLING A VERY EXPENSIVE ‘COACHING’ OR ‘RECOVERY’ PROGRAM
If their entire platform is meant to drive you through a sales funnel in an attempt to get you to sign up for their ‘one-of-a-kind’ product (such as a very expensive online ‘recovery’ program), you would be wise to dig deeper into their claims and actual credentials to see what makes them qualified to work in a healing capacity typically reserved for licensed clinicians and certified coaches before hitting the “buy” button.