New Year, New Beginnings: A Time for Healing and Empowerment for Survivors of Family Scapegoating Abuse
Transcend the ‘scapegoat story’ by releasing rejecting and shaming narratives
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As the calendar turns to a new year, we are often encouraged to reflect on the past and set intentions for the future. For many survivors of Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA), the concept of a fresh start can feel daunting. The wounds from past trauma may still be tender, and the path to healing can feel long and uncertain. But this moment, this day, offers an opportunity for profound self-compassion and renewal.
If you are an adult survivor of FSA, I want you to know that you are not defined by your past or the ‘scapegoat story’ your family has imposed upon you —and this new year, you have the power to redefine your relationship to yourself, your worth, and your healing journey.
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Breaking the Chains of Scapegoating: Reclaiming Your Story, Free of the Scapegoat Narrative
Family scapegoating is common in families with unresolved intergenerational trauma. It is typically fueled by pathological projection processes and involves unfairly ‘blaming and shaming’ a particular child or adult child for problems or dysfunctions within the family system, which can lead to profound psycho-emotional distress and the development of complex trauma symptoms.
If you are in the ‘family scapegoat’ role, you may have been the target of unfair accusations, overt or covert ‘mobbing’ behaviors, rejection, or manipulation in your family-of-origin. As a result, you might struggle with feelings of shame, self-doubt, or unworthiness, resulting in isolative behaviors. But it’s important to remember that these were projections that your family cast onto as if you were a human movie screen, and not at all reflective of your truth or your value as a person.
As we head into 2025, the approaching new year can serve as a powerful invitation for you to reclaim your voice and your power as you transcend false ‘rejecting and shaming’ narratives. You no longer have to identify with being “the problem" in your family’s story, nor do you need to identify with the ‘scapegoat narrative’ they have attached to you, possibly since you were very young.
You are not responsible for the systemic dysfunction that may have been projected onto you. The scapegoat role does not need to define your identity—it was a story that was imposed upon you by others, often as a way to avoid accountability for their own unhealthy behaviors, including behaviors that constitute abuse. Your experiences have no doubt been incredibly difficult and painful, but they do not diminish your inherent worth or the depth of your potential resilience as a survivor of systemic psycho-emotional abuse.
For many FSA survivors, reducing, limiting, or ending contact with scapegoating family members is a means of prioritizing their mental and emotional well-being. This coming year, consider giving yourself permission to step away from the family dynamics that are designed to trap you in a perpetual cycle of toxic shame, traumatic invalidation, and isolation. What this might look like will depend on a variety of factors, depending on your particular family situation, but establishing boundaries that protect you from further harm can be a vision that helps guide you in 2025.
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Building Healthy Boundaries: Protecting Your Emotional Well-Being
One of the most significant acts of self-love you can engage in as a survivor of FSA is establishing personal boundaries that will support your recovery. Boundaries serve as energetic containers that can support healing and personal and professional development. Whether it’s limiting contact with specific family members or completely cutting ties with people who continue to mistreat you, boundaries are vital for your emotional survival.
I like to use an analogy of a fried egg to describe my transpersonal view of healing from dysfunctional family systems. Think of an unbroken egg yolk as being representative of our authentic (or ‘true’) self - whole, golden, and contained within the protective boundary of the egg white (albumen). For those of us who grew up in distressed, ‘split’, dysfunctional family systems, the developing self (the yolk) is runny and uncontained, versus round and whole. This is because the dysfunctional family system the self resides within (the albumen) is also runny and uncontained. Thus, there are no protective boundaries in place to hold and support our ‘true’, whole, authentic self, which can result in our going through life as adults feeling ‘runny and uncontained’, not sure of who we are, what we need, or what we want. Developing a whole, ‘contained’ self as an adult requires us to consciously individuate from our enmeshed, dysfunctional family system by developing healthy, protective boundaries that support our sovereign s/Self.
While the idea of boundary-setting may seem intimidating—especially if you were never allowed to have boundaries as a child or were punished for expressing needs and attempting to assert them—remember that this is your life, your mind, and your body. You have every right to protect yourself from experiencing further abuse at the hands of family members. In fact, to do so may be thought of as a sacred obligation to Self.
It can help to think of boundaries as being not just walls, but bridges to reciprocal, respectful relationships and a healthier, more empowered version of yourself. Start small. Give yourself permission to say "no" when something doesn’t feel right. Allow yourself space to grieve the loss of relationships that were never truly nurturing. Be kind to yourself as you navigate the complexities of family dynamics, understanding that detaching from toxic, damaging relationships is a form of self-preservation, not selfishness.
Reconnecting with Your True Self: Rediscovering Your Worth
Family scapegoating can cause profound disconnection from your authentic (or ‘true’) self. If you were treated as "the problem," you may have internalized that narrative and spent years questioning your worth, abilities, and desires. But you are not a problem—you are a whole person with dreams, strengths, and beauty.
In this new year, I encourage you to take steps toward reconnecting with who you truly are. This might involve revisiting old passions, exploring new interests, or simply spending more time with yourself in a way that feels nourishing and validating. Rediscover the parts of yourself that may have been stifled or dismissed by your family.
You might find healing through creative expression, mindfulness, or therapy—whatever method helps you reconnect with your inner voice. As you grow into the fullness of who you are, you will begin to see that your worth is not something that should ever have been in question - especially by your own family. You are a unique, valuable individual who deserves love, respect, and care.
Read (or listen to) my recovery affirmation, Healing from Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA)
Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination
If you are reading this and thinking, "How can I ever heal from this?" I want you to know that healing is not a linear process. It is not something that happens overnight, nor is it something that happens in a straight line. Healing is cyclical, messy, and full of both triumphs and setbacks. But with each step, no matter how small, you are creating the conditions for meaningful transformation, including psycho-emotional healing, development, and growth.
In this new year, set an aspiration to focus on the small victories: the moments of clarity, the days when you feel stronger, the ability to set a new boundary, or even the courage to feel and express your emotions without shame or self-judgment. These moments are signs of progress, and they deserve to be celebrated. Our paid community of subscribers celebrate these victories in our weekly ‘Small Gains’ Chat, and it has become one of our most popular and rewarding features. (Check out all of our current free and paid community features).
You have already survived what many would call an insurmountable struggle—growing up in an environment that rejected and scapegoated you. And yet here you are, still standing. That alone is something to be proud of.
Remember, healing is not about perfection, nor is it about "fixing" yourself. Healing is about reclaiming your truth, your voice, and your right to live a life that aligns with your deepest values, principles, and aspirations. During this upcoming year, I encourage you to commit to honoring your journey, wherever it may lead, and trust that with each passing day, you are becoming more able to step into the wholeness that you already are, and have always been - unbroken.
A New Year, a New Beginning
As the new year begins, take a deep, long breath. Let go of the burdens of the past. Know that you are worthy of healing, peace, and joy. Give yourself the grace to release what no longer serves you—the dehumanizing and objectifying labels, the shame, the guilt, and the familial ties that have kept you small and believing that you are less than you actually are.
Know that you are capable of creating a life filled with purpose, authenticity, and meaningful connection. The future is yours to shape, and it can be bright, filled with hope and healing, no matter how your past unfolded.
May this year bring you more peace, more love, more compassion, more joy, more acceptance, and the courage to live fully as the person you were always meant to be.
You are worthy. You are enough. And this is just the beginning.
Happy New Year. May 2025 be filled with transformation, growth, and liberation from all that is false, and all that no longer serves you in your journey of healing from FSA.
Rebecca
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Thanks for this wonderful article about Healing Rebecca. It really has made me feel stronger and more hopeful to set into the new year with particularly this quote "You have every right to protect yourself from experiencing further abuse at the hands of family members. In fact, to do so may be thought of as a sacred obligation to Self."
I have set an intention for myself for the new year that i am going to spend less time thinking about the scapegoaters in my family, as i have realised just how much they have infiltrated my mind, particularly in these last several years, and this takes me away from my true self. so i am going to catch myself every time i find myself going over what they did or said and consciously bring my attention to something that is good for me! Something that is nourishing and enjoyable, something that makes me feel alive rather than these people who drain and deplete me. This year i want to give myself all the things i've so freely given to others all my life. My attention, kindness, listening, compassion and loving support 🙏🏽
Thank you Rebecca. Wishing you a happy & healthy 2025.