I will, Jane. The sword may enter - but it does not penetrate. I'm going to try to direct message you here, let me know here if you don't get it, sending now as a test.
I'm shocked & saddened to read this but commend you on your stance. I appreciate beyond words what you give to this community. My heartfelt thanks, as always.❤️
Thank you thank you Rebecca for standing up to bullies for us. I just became a paid subscriber. I trust you and I want you to be able to keep going in this fight. I also want to support others in the community who need a safe house. There aren’t many right now. ❤️🤺
Thank you for your paid subscription, Brenda. You should have TWO emails from me - make sure you find those, they will help you navigate my Substack and find the paid community features and site directory.
Thank you Rebecca on modelling what healthy strong boundaries look like. Most of all for protecting this precious safe space for us to come to read, share and heal. Felt great to experience protection. Especially for you the facilitator…I am sure it was not an easy task!! Bravo!💕
I applaud your dedication to self-preservation and to write this by setting the record straight for everyone.
In a world that has, in my eyes, lost its moral compass and thinks, “normalization of aggression” as you stated, is now part of daily life and is okay. It is not.
I hope lessons of civility become more prevalent in our society. And more common sense too which is clearly lacking.
We have gone from a societal generation that understood common courtesy to a ME generation of only my opinion matters and they want to shove it down everyone’s throat.
I grew up learning that opinions are like A———s we all have one. This at a young age taught me to listen, think and observe others first. Then use my judgement to decide whether to engage or not. Furthermore, it helped me begin to understand others for who they are. How they respond is who they are deep inside. Their wounds clearly evident if only eyes would see. The masks people wear get heavy when their authenticity is compromised. And this is why mental instability is so prevalent and has reached dangerous levels of the human mind.
I survived CPTSD and I am grateful to have taught myself a level of resilience I wish others had more of. Alas, they don’t, they allow their emotions to control their lives and actions which makes for unhealthy behaviors. With gratitude, Leslie
This is a masterpiece. Saving as reference for groups I facilitate or admin! I’ve had some extensive experience with this. A woman (who later admitted she was intoxicated) with no small clout (a bestselling writer) accused me of starting a cult because in a friendly post to garner interest I suggested a possible writing retreat and mentioned a local author whose spiritual residence we could visit one afternoon along with nearby cold springs as part of the package. Most in the large group knew I was b&r in a cult and write about it. So bizarre. But even more bizarre I was mobbed and no one supported me tho I had credibility and long standing status as the group’s admin. I used to entertain attacks like this by responding. No more. I’ve learned to instantly delete and block. Also as an admin I’ve been accused of racism, homophobia and you name it , (all false accusations with no basis)by unstable people with an agenda running around policing and cancelling people. Acting out their pathology. Good move on behalf of yourself and this community.
Exactly. The worst treatment I have received online is from people who say they are victims of scapegoating abuse or narcissistic abuse. Time for people to look in the mirror and ask themselves how they are treating others. Being a victim of something doesn't give us a right to victimize others via lashing out in anger or pain.
Appreciate this, Kelly, and hope you find it helpful for the groups you administrate / facilitate as well. I feel angry hearing about what happened to you. These types of injustices ARE angering - and should be - if we as humans care about each other at all. So sorry this happened to you. Reminds me of one of my worst online abuse experiences whereby a supposed 'narcissistic abuse recovery expert' asked to interview me, then proceeded to publish the interview as a book on Amazon using my name and license as "co-author" - WITHOUT my knowledge or permission. When they refused to take the book down after I requested they do so privately, I publicly requested they do so on Twitter. They then staged a grand "cancellation" of me - vicious, brutal, sick. That was in 2019. It was genuinely traumatizing, the entire event, and I'm amazed I kept going, looking back on it, but I knew I had to get my FSA research out there so dusted myself off and got back to work. "Don't let the bastards get you down" is a helpful adage during such challenging times, I have found.
I know for a fact that there are clinicians out there traumatized from online abuse. We need to all start talking about it and support each other around these abuses as well. Many have left social media altogether, which is a true loss for us all.
A huge round of applause and a virtual hug to you, Rebecca! When I was studying with a sensei I reported how hard I was trying to live by Buddhist precepts, only to find myself tolerating continual abuse. He counseled the Buddha never meant for me (us) to be doormats. Mentors, teachers, spiritual guides, professionals of every variety, friends and relatives all need to heed your words. Today my beloved daughter came home livid and shouting over an unfair slight she suffered. I heard her with an open heart, calmed her down, but then----I felt old feelings of having to care for toxic relatives burdening me to the point of winding up in hospital for 8 days. Now, my beloved daughter is by no means toxic. Our relationship is the envy of my friends and hers. But it triggered those feelings, and I realized sometimes I can't be the one to calm her down if I'm feeling old FSA symptoms. So protect yourself, Rebecca, since a huge community needs you strong and healthy. I have your back, support you, and approve your action.
Yes Lynne I agree, we as a community need Rebecca to be strong & healthy, not just for us but especially for her own personal life too. I have Rebecca's back also & each & everyone of us fortunate to have found her wonderful work. We need to be strong together & for all of us here. This community is so unique & special.
Rebecca, I can relate. I’ve gotten to the point of
compassion fatigue, so much so, that it’s forced me to set boundaries with family and friends. We have to protect ourselves from the toxicity of people who act out their unhealed wounds. I applaud you setting and keeping firm boundaries for yourself and this space you’ve created for us all.
Rebecca, I understand completely, and support you in your decisions regarding this new “habit” or whatever it is in humanity at this time in history. While I don’t participate very much, I value everything you post, and it helps me in my personal efforts within this very complicated subject of FSA.
Oh Rebecca, I am SO sorry this issue is rearing its head again. Good for you for promptly blocking this individual. This is not tolerable, especially towards you!!! We DO understand you are human too and you've been through more than many of us have. We understand this forum is such a big part of your life, you sacrifice so much for the forum, and we are so grateful. These sorts of issues must affect you deeply, despite you wishing otherwise. PLEASE know we are all here, so grateful for you, understanding all you bear on our behalf (so much of it we have no idea you have to bear). We will right any wrong spoken about you online or elsewhere. Just let us know how. Sending you so much healing. Taking big breaths beside you. You are NOT alone. We are with you. We are SO sorry you have to endure this ugliness just because you are so courageous to put yourself out there doing good. ♥️🧡💜
Thank you, BT - This comment from you is so heartening and uplifting, supportive and nurturing. It is knowing that so many of you support my research and publications on FSA - and the community I offer here - that I continue on, albeit at times I need a break to regroup and reintegrate, especially after one of these 'incidents' which, due to my particular sensitivities, cannot help but affect me at a deep level, no matter how fleeting the interaction may seem on the surface.
Rebecca, I am sorry to hear this experience. Hoping you will be encouraged and comforted in knowing the positive difference you continue to make for so many. When you “model” being transparent with what occurred, I see more clearly what it means, what it is going to take, to protect myself. These words feel awkward somehow, but I needed to speak up and thank you, very much, for sharing.
I so appreciate hearing from you, SK Kim - a new voice in my community and your voice and what you express is valued and heard. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a supportive and comforting message. I'm touched by your words and your compassionate response.
Having newly found this community, and having gained immeasurably already, which doesn't really adequately say it: truth is I am so moved by all of you and the fact that Rebecca has so carefully crafted every single aspect of her work here and shared it so lovingly! It's a dream come true and I have to admit I find it heartbreaking to think of this space being harmed. May no harm come to this wonderful service to the heartbroken that Rebecca has offered openly. And thank you, Rebecca, for sharing your personal story. To me, it is very helpful to have you share these experiences that you have in common with us. I will endeavor to be here for you, to help you where I can, and to be a good member. This place is nothing short of life-changing. I was really looking for my spark to return when you all came along and turned my lights back on. Thank you. May no harm come to this space, to these sincere people, and to you Rebecca C. Mandeville, my new hero. Thank you for standing up and demonstrating how it can be done.
This moved me to tears, songgirl. It is so wonderful to have you as a new community member and I am enjoying getting to know you in our private Chat space. The support I am receiving in the comments here is like wind in my sails and I feel rejuvenated, restored, and ready, willing, eager, and able to keep going further as together we heal from the devastating effects of FSA.
Rebecca,
Your action is upright, therefore "wrong" in this upside-down world.
I salute you. Carry on, Soldier. Jane
I will, Jane. The sword may enter - but it does not penetrate. I'm going to try to direct message you here, let me know here if you don't get it, sending now as a test.
Stand strong! Thanks for your role, as I'm sure it can be difficult, especially considering current levels of toxic behaviors.
I'm shocked & saddened to read this but commend you on your stance. I appreciate beyond words what you give to this community. My heartfelt thanks, as always.❤️
Well said, and well done Rebecca.
Thank you thank you Rebecca for standing up to bullies for us. I just became a paid subscriber. I trust you and I want you to be able to keep going in this fight. I also want to support others in the community who need a safe house. There aren’t many right now. ❤️🤺
Thank you for your paid subscription, Brenda. You should have TWO emails from me - make sure you find those, they will help you navigate my Substack and find the paid community features and site directory.
Thank you Rebecca on modelling what healthy strong boundaries look like. Most of all for protecting this precious safe space for us to come to read, share and heal. Felt great to experience protection. Especially for you the facilitator…I am sure it was not an easy task!! Bravo!💕
Rebecca,
I applaud your dedication to self-preservation and to write this by setting the record straight for everyone.
In a world that has, in my eyes, lost its moral compass and thinks, “normalization of aggression” as you stated, is now part of daily life and is okay. It is not.
I hope lessons of civility become more prevalent in our society. And more common sense too which is clearly lacking.
We have gone from a societal generation that understood common courtesy to a ME generation of only my opinion matters and they want to shove it down everyone’s throat.
I grew up learning that opinions are like A———s we all have one. This at a young age taught me to listen, think and observe others first. Then use my judgement to decide whether to engage or not. Furthermore, it helped me begin to understand others for who they are. How they respond is who they are deep inside. Their wounds clearly evident if only eyes would see. The masks people wear get heavy when their authenticity is compromised. And this is why mental instability is so prevalent and has reached dangerous levels of the human mind.
I survived CPTSD and I am grateful to have taught myself a level of resilience I wish others had more of. Alas, they don’t, they allow their emotions to control their lives and actions which makes for unhealthy behaviors. With gratitude, Leslie
Thank you for protecting this sacred space 🌸
This is a masterpiece. Saving as reference for groups I facilitate or admin! I’ve had some extensive experience with this. A woman (who later admitted she was intoxicated) with no small clout (a bestselling writer) accused me of starting a cult because in a friendly post to garner interest I suggested a possible writing retreat and mentioned a local author whose spiritual residence we could visit one afternoon along with nearby cold springs as part of the package. Most in the large group knew I was b&r in a cult and write about it. So bizarre. But even more bizarre I was mobbed and no one supported me tho I had credibility and long standing status as the group’s admin. I used to entertain attacks like this by responding. No more. I’ve learned to instantly delete and block. Also as an admin I’ve been accused of racism, homophobia and you name it , (all false accusations with no basis)by unstable people with an agenda running around policing and cancelling people. Acting out their pathology. Good move on behalf of yourself and this community.
Speaking of being a scapegoat! 😂
Exactly. The worst treatment I have received online is from people who say they are victims of scapegoating abuse or narcissistic abuse. Time for people to look in the mirror and ask themselves how they are treating others. Being a victim of something doesn't give us a right to victimize others via lashing out in anger or pain.
Appreciate this, Kelly, and hope you find it helpful for the groups you administrate / facilitate as well. I feel angry hearing about what happened to you. These types of injustices ARE angering - and should be - if we as humans care about each other at all. So sorry this happened to you. Reminds me of one of my worst online abuse experiences whereby a supposed 'narcissistic abuse recovery expert' asked to interview me, then proceeded to publish the interview as a book on Amazon using my name and license as "co-author" - WITHOUT my knowledge or permission. When they refused to take the book down after I requested they do so privately, I publicly requested they do so on Twitter. They then staged a grand "cancellation" of me - vicious, brutal, sick. That was in 2019. It was genuinely traumatizing, the entire event, and I'm amazed I kept going, looking back on it, but I knew I had to get my FSA research out there so dusted myself off and got back to work. "Don't let the bastards get you down" is a helpful adage during such challenging times, I have found.
Awful! I am so grateful for you and this community and the guidelines for keeping us safer.
I know for a fact that there are clinicians out there traumatized from online abuse. We need to all start talking about it and support each other around these abuses as well. Many have left social media altogether, which is a true loss for us all.
A huge round of applause and a virtual hug to you, Rebecca! When I was studying with a sensei I reported how hard I was trying to live by Buddhist precepts, only to find myself tolerating continual abuse. He counseled the Buddha never meant for me (us) to be doormats. Mentors, teachers, spiritual guides, professionals of every variety, friends and relatives all need to heed your words. Today my beloved daughter came home livid and shouting over an unfair slight she suffered. I heard her with an open heart, calmed her down, but then----I felt old feelings of having to care for toxic relatives burdening me to the point of winding up in hospital for 8 days. Now, my beloved daughter is by no means toxic. Our relationship is the envy of my friends and hers. But it triggered those feelings, and I realized sometimes I can't be the one to calm her down if I'm feeling old FSA symptoms. So protect yourself, Rebecca, since a huge community needs you strong and healthy. I have your back, support you, and approve your action.
Yes Lynne I agree, we as a community need Rebecca to be strong & healthy, not just for us but especially for her own personal life too. I have Rebecca's back also & each & everyone of us fortunate to have found her wonderful work. We need to be strong together & for all of us here. This community is so unique & special.
Rebecca, I can relate. I’ve gotten to the point of
compassion fatigue, so much so, that it’s forced me to set boundaries with family and friends. We have to protect ourselves from the toxicity of people who act out their unhealed wounds. I applaud you setting and keeping firm boundaries for yourself and this space you’ve created for us all.
Rebecca, I understand completely, and support you in your decisions regarding this new “habit” or whatever it is in humanity at this time in history. While I don’t participate very much, I value everything you post, and it helps me in my personal efforts within this very complicated subject of FSA.
💖 A hug and BIG thanks to you! Be well.
Oh Rebecca, I am SO sorry this issue is rearing its head again. Good for you for promptly blocking this individual. This is not tolerable, especially towards you!!! We DO understand you are human too and you've been through more than many of us have. We understand this forum is such a big part of your life, you sacrifice so much for the forum, and we are so grateful. These sorts of issues must affect you deeply, despite you wishing otherwise. PLEASE know we are all here, so grateful for you, understanding all you bear on our behalf (so much of it we have no idea you have to bear). We will right any wrong spoken about you online or elsewhere. Just let us know how. Sending you so much healing. Taking big breaths beside you. You are NOT alone. We are with you. We are SO sorry you have to endure this ugliness just because you are so courageous to put yourself out there doing good. ♥️🧡💜
So well said BraveTruth.
Thank you, BT - This comment from you is so heartening and uplifting, supportive and nurturing. It is knowing that so many of you support my research and publications on FSA - and the community I offer here - that I continue on, albeit at times I need a break to regroup and reintegrate, especially after one of these 'incidents' which, due to my particular sensitivities, cannot help but affect me at a deep level, no matter how fleeting the interaction may seem on the surface.
yes yes and yes Brave Truth!
Rebecca, I am sorry to hear this experience. Hoping you will be encouraged and comforted in knowing the positive difference you continue to make for so many. When you “model” being transparent with what occurred, I see more clearly what it means, what it is going to take, to protect myself. These words feel awkward somehow, but I needed to speak up and thank you, very much, for sharing.
I so appreciate hearing from you, SK Kim - a new voice in my community and your voice and what you express is valued and heard. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a supportive and comforting message. I'm touched by your words and your compassionate response.
Having newly found this community, and having gained immeasurably already, which doesn't really adequately say it: truth is I am so moved by all of you and the fact that Rebecca has so carefully crafted every single aspect of her work here and shared it so lovingly! It's a dream come true and I have to admit I find it heartbreaking to think of this space being harmed. May no harm come to this wonderful service to the heartbroken that Rebecca has offered openly. And thank you, Rebecca, for sharing your personal story. To me, it is very helpful to have you share these experiences that you have in common with us. I will endeavor to be here for you, to help you where I can, and to be a good member. This place is nothing short of life-changing. I was really looking for my spark to return when you all came along and turned my lights back on. Thank you. May no harm come to this space, to these sincere people, and to you Rebecca C. Mandeville, my new hero. Thank you for standing up and demonstrating how it can be done.
This moved me to tears, songgirl. It is so wonderful to have you as a new community member and I am enjoying getting to know you in our private Chat space. The support I am receiving in the comments here is like wind in my sails and I feel rejuvenated, restored, and ready, willing, eager, and able to keep going further as together we heal from the devastating effects of FSA.
So beautifully put songgirl7 !!
Thank you June. So happy to be here with you all.
Me too !
I'm crying myself darlin! :) Really mean it. So appreciate.