The Hidden Struggle of FSA Survivors: Social Stigma, Trauma, and Healing
Addressing traumatic invalidation in Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA) recovery
To learn more about my research on Family Scapegoating Abuse (which now includes peer-reviewed quantitative research), visit my website at https://scapegoatrecovery.com.
Traumatic Invalidation and the Continued Scapegoating of Adult Survivors
Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA) is a pervasive and damaging form of psycho-emotional abuse that can occur in dysfunctional or narcissistic family systems. Via pathological projection processes, an individual becomes the target of projected guilt, dysfunction, and unresolved traumas within their nuclear or extended family.
Children who grow up in these types of abusive family environments will often find themselves scapegoated not only during childhood but well into adulthood, particularly when they attempt to address or acknowledge their trauma openly, whether in or outside of their family.
FSA doesn’t end just because the targeted child grows up and moves out of the family home. My original research revealed that FSA adult survivors frequently experience ongoing scapegoating dynamics in their family when they:
Identify as an abuse survivor: Families that engage in scapegoating behaviors often react with hostility when the scapegoated family member openly acknowledges their abuse. The mere act of naming their trauma can provoke further rejection, invalidation, and accusations of being overly dramatic, ungrateful, or even mentally unstable.
Express feelings about their experiences: Many scapegoated individuals are shamed for having emotions related to their traumatic experiences in their families. Their pain and struggles are typically dismissed by family members (parents, siblings, extended relatives), often with messages such as, “That was a long time ago, just get over it;” “That never happened, you must be imagining it;” “You’re being dramatic;" or “You’re too sensitive.”
Discuss complex trauma openly: Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is a common consequence of prolonged emotional and psychological abuse. However, when survivors speak about the ongoing impact of their trauma, they are often met with disbelief, victim-blaming, or further ostracization by family members who refuse to acknowledge the harm they caused. (For more information on how our nervous system perceives threats - including relational and interpersonal threats - read
Claire Pichel, LCSW, PMH-C’s article, How Your Nervous System Perceived Emotional Threat.)
Societal and Institutional Scapegoating
Beyond the family unit, survivors of FSA frequently encounter scapegoating from society, mental health professionals, and social media influencers:
Societal Scapegoating
Many cultures uphold the idea that family should always be revered and preserved, regardless of the level of toxicity or abuse present. When survivors break the silence and set boundaries, they may be labeled as “unforgiving” or “problematic.” (This same dynamic also happens in cult systems, by the way.)
Here’s an example of how deep this social resistance goes: As some of you here know, Amazon will not allow me to advertise my introductory book on Family Scapegoating Abuse, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed, on Kindle devices because it is not ‘family friendly’. YouTube, where I am one of their chosen licensed Mental Health partners, demonetizes all of my videos on my Family Scapegoating Abuse recovery channel, forcing me to have to appeal this decision every time I release a video. The Dutch translation of my book (published last month) removed all references of abuse from the cover, taking out my research-based term ‘Family Scapegoating Abuse’ all together (something I’ll address in future contract negotiations). Last but not least: In the 8 months I’ve been publishing here, not one of my public posts or notes has been picked up and promoted by Substack’s algorithms. Make of that what you will.
Survivors may be pressured to reconcile with abusive family members, reinforcing a false narrative that “family is everything” while invalidating the necessity of emotional and physical safety.
Think about this for a minute. Do we tell victims of domestic violence - which includes covert control and psycho-emotional (i.e., “invisible” abuse) - that their partner “is everything” and they need to find a way to “work it out”? No, these days we know better. But this is exactly the message FSA survivors receive when they share they have limited or ended contact with abusive family members. As a society, we can do better than that. And we must. Starting now.
Survivors may be accused of being attached to identifying as a “victim,” overusing or misusing the word “trauma,” or over-amplifying or “dramatizing” what happened to them in their families as a means of further invalidating the lived reality experienced by FSA survivors, many of whom suffer from complex trauma symptoms, as validated by my original research on this phenomenon. Such dismissive, uninformed attitudes are plentiful on social media where non-clinicians, bloggers, and ‘influencers’ who know next to nothing about psycho-emotional abuse or trauma (but think - and write like - they do) invalidate the experiences of adult survivors raised in abusive family systems.
Scapegoating in Mental Health Settings
Some therapists, particularly those untrained in family system and family trauma dynamics and who are not trauma-informed, may inadvertently invalidate survivors traumatic experiences in their family by suggesting reconciliation as the optimal path to healing. This only serves to further alienate and shame the client, implying that they are responsible for “working it out” with their family, regardless of the abusive dynamics they are experiencing - and sharing - with their therapist.
Survivors may be diagnosed with personality disorders or seen as the problem rather than as individuals suffering from attachment trauma, relational trauma, betrayal trauma, and/or complex trauma symptoms - something I discuss in more detail in my book (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed).
Health professionals - including at times Mental Health professionals - might minimize, disregard, invalidate, or even dismiss the survivor’s honest reports of what has happened to them in their family (including sexual abuse and incest, which can fuel scapegoating dynamics), leaving them feeling further traumatized, invalidated, isolated, and unsupported. This is especially the case in ‘small town’ environments where the family is wealthy, well-known, well-connected, and/or highly regarded within their community for any number of reasons. Hence, the family member reporting abuse is ‘sacrificed’ to preserve the ‘status quo’, particularly by those who might personally benefit from the family’s largesse.
The Psycho-Emotional Toll of FSA
Being scapegoated repeatedly—both within the family and by society (including within our health systems)—deepens the wounds of trauma. This can lead to adult survivors of Family Scapegoating Abuse experiencing:
Low self-worth and chronic self-doubt
Pervasive feelings of confusion, guilt and shame
Anxiety, depression, disenfranchised grief, unresolved anger (or what I call ‘righteous rage’ secondary to scapegoating injustices), and symptoms of C-PTSD
Difficulty forming healthy relationships due to internalized guilt and ‘toxic’ shame
Emotional exhaustion from the relentless need to prove one's reality to others - and at times, even to themselves.
Addictive and/or codependent behaviors.
Addressing Traumatic Invalidation: Tools for Coping and Recovery
Addressing traumatic invalidation as related to FSA requires a combination of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and external support.
When someone’s reality, experiences, and emotions are regularly dismissed or belittled within (and outside of) their family-of-origin, it can lead to deep psycho-emotional wounds, eroding self-trust and increasing feelings of worthlessness.
To cope and recover, adult survivors of FSA can practice self-validation by acknowledging their own emotions as real and worthy while setting boundaries with those who chronically invalidate them.
Seeking therapy, particularly approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) or Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), can help reframe negative beliefs and build resilience. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, when trauma-informed, can help survivors recover ‘lost parts’ and process and release repressed thoughts and feelings that may be inhibiting healing. Engaging in mindfulness, journaling, and connecting with supportive communities also fosters healing. Ultimately, reclaiming one’s narrative and recognizing personal truths are crucial steps toward recovery.
Below are additional suggestions that can help FSA survivors recover from the effects of traumatic invalidation related to their painful or abusive family experiences:
1. Recognizing and Validating Your Experience
Accept that your experiences are real and valid. You do not need your family's acknowledgment of what happened to you (or how they treated you) to heal. Read my article on ‘radical acceptance’ and recovering from FSA to learn more.
Read about FSA and complex trauma to understand your experiences from a psychological perspective. As mentioned, my introductory book on FSA, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed, is a good place to start, given I coined the term to describe this form of devastating ‘invisible’ systemic abuse via my original Family Systems research. To learn more about my FSA research, visit https://familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/p/at-last-peer-reviewed-quantitative.
2. Establishing Strong Boundaries
Limit or end contact with individuals who persistently scapegoat you if they are not willing to look at their behaviors, be accountable for them, and effectively address them (ideally with the assistance of a seasoned Family Systems therapist familiar with scapegoating dynamics) as well as amend them.
Set clear emotional and conversational boundaries regarding discussions about your trauma with others, which I address in my post here:
https://familyscapegoathealing.substack.com/p/the-power-of-choice-an-abuse-survivors
3. Finding the Right Support
Seek a trauma-informed therapist who understands narcissistic abuse and family scapegoating dynamics (I discuss how to go about this in my book, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed).
Join support groups for adult survivors of dysfunctional families to share experiences in a safe space. If you’re a free subscriber on my Substack in need of additional resources and community support, you might consider upgrading your subscription to benefit from our private, paid community Chat space and exclusive FSA Recovery content, such as my weekly FSA Recovery Affirmations.
Cultivate friendships and relationships that are based on mutual respect and emotional safety. Don’t settle for anything less (which you have likely been conditioned by family to do).
4. Healing Through Self-Compassion and Inner Work
Engage in mindfulness, journaling, and self-reflection to process your emotions.
Recognize internalized ‘toxic’ shame and replace it with self-compassionate. To learn how to do this, you might find The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive (Neff, Germer) helpful.
Pursue hobbies, creative outlets, and passions that reinforce your sense of self outside of your family’s narrative. Connecting with pets, wildlife, and nature can also be very meaningful and healing.
5. Advocating for Yourself and Others
Educate yourself and others about FSA to challenge societal stigma and call attention to scapegoating injustices impacting child victims and adult survivors.
Work with health professionals who validate and support your healing journey.
Recognize that you are not alone and that breaking the cycle of family abuse is a powerful step toward generational healing.
Conclusion
The journey of a Family Scapegoating Abuse survivor is fraught with challenges, from familial rejection to societal invalidation. However, healing is possible through self-validation, strong boundaries, supportive communities, and trauma-informed care. Survivors deserve to be seen, heard, and supported in their path toward reclaiming their lives and finding peace beyond the shadows of their past. It is time to leave those shadows of secrecy, shame, and family betrayal in the past and step into the light.
Enjoy this article? Read my post on scapegoating in human systems:
This post gets at the injustice built into scapegoating dynamics and the very real dehumanization of survivors. We are not supposed to be angry, sad, enraged, messy, depressed, grieving…or successful, brilliant, funny or attractive, either. Everything gets slotted into the preconceived construction of our “badness.” And yes, the injustice and dehumanization can come from mental health professionals. I was told at a first appointment with a therapist (who I had the good sense not to return to) after an hour unburdening myself, “I will will work with you but you need to know I don’t believe what you are telling me.” Verbatim. I felt the shock of trauma yet again, sitting across from an educated woman with years of experience. When my current therapist saw the woman at a conference a year later, she approached and told the woman that I was truthful and that what she had done was an ethical breach. Or some such thing. After being labeled psychotic, borderline, and bipolar (I am 63 and so my misdiagnoses parallel the evolution of trauma diagnoses), I was finally told I have complex trauma, or C-PTSD, and that diagnosis was the "Word that is God." By that I mean it held out hope of healing, rather than sticking me with a label that further dehumanized me. ~ I want to share something that was so helpful to me this week — reading that for people like us, our “reactions are the epicenter” of the response of our perpetrators and often of “the system” as well, rather than the trauma that instigated the reaction. It was followed with the question, “Are we meant to spend our lives fighting the libel” that we are dangerous, broken, irredeemable? What is the cost of living in the crosshairs of scapegoaters? It is the cost of life itself - we lose years we cannot get back. ~ I know this is a long post, but I want to share that a few weeks ago, my scapegoating sister changed all the locks on the home of our father, who suffers from dementia and lives two miles from me. She did this so I cannot get in, but that means if he falls, I cannot get there. The excuse she gave is that since our mother died, I steal things…and interfere with his care (I feed him, play games, and take him to the carwash, which he loves). I share this because this is EXACTLY the kind of crazy stuff that people don’t believe…or that prompts them to say things like, “Well what did you do for her to do that?” The locks are both real and metaphoric. We are locked out family life, of helping, loving, being there. And it is not an exaggeration to say FSA is an injustice and a dehumanizer on par with other ways humans brutalize one another. Thank you for indulging this long comment and so much gratitude and respect to you, Rebecca, for your work, your compassion, and these posts, which I pass on to the family and friends who believe and have become educated and loving supporters with that awareness.
You're welcome, Rosalee.